There's been many situations and times in my life that I've found myself in that amounted from piss-poor choices and decisions that I couldn't seem to shake, regardless of whether I attempted to take matters into my own hands to ensure inevitable action to break free on my account or the account of others. Then, there were those times that the opposite reigned supreme as well. You know, just sit back and wait things out - praying, wishing and hoping it all just blows over. Alternatively, there's been situations that I've found myself in that amounted from the environmental restrictions that were imposed upon me. I had no say in what was being done, I had no real control or understanding of it either. In a way, it was decided for me and the problem I had at hand was navigating these circumstances in a way where I could reap some sort of benefit and walk away with more than which I came into that situation with. Within those circumstances, I could have walked away with less, that's a possibility too, not ideal but you'd learn something. I always said a win or a loss was better than a tie - with the latter, for those who've gotten to know me well, you understand that a stalemate is as good as death to me. You've got to do something with the circumstances at hand. The two ways you can go are always going to be better than no where to go when it comes to growth. Apply that to your life wherever you deem fit - I'll even try my best to help you with it.
For a moment, imagine you're working in a bar. There's a few of you behind the well and you're mixing drinks all night long. The rush dies out, theres a handful of tables around, but that's covered - the servers are doing their duties and the management team is making cuts. You're up - you can leave or stay on for the closing of the shift, which would result in you dragging your feet and ass around for another 3-4 hours at the very minimum while people begin to clear out and move on with their evenings. Here's the kicker, whatever you do after you're cut, is totally up to you. You can stick around, you can bounce on out of there, you can grab a bite to eat or whatever your heart desires. You're free. So, naturally most people would take this cut - and if it's the weekend, try to enjoy your night a little bit. Now, you have a drink after your shift and one thing leads to another, you're about 3-4 in now and your car keys are in your bag. You drove to work. Do you drive home? I hope to God that you don't. There's ways around this, you could call a cab, call a friend, or you could just say forget it, you're already half in the bag, might as well jump fully in. I've been faced with all of these scenarios before - that's why I say this now, you've now found yourself in a self-imposed prison where you are able to take measurable action in removing yourself from.
You don't want to necessarily just sit there for the next 3-4 hours until closing time just so your co-workers can get off shift and then haul you home. Look, if that was the case, you might as well have kept working in the first place and have been of some use to everyone around you. This is a prime example of a self-imposed prison that I can promise every person of age has found themselves in at some point in time. Whether you were actually working or not means so little. You can stretch that scenario out and be a bit more abstract with it - you were meeting a friend briefly for dinner, you were running some errands and popped by a restaurant for food, etc. You have an imagination, let it run wild. The best part here is that you're placing yourself in these situations and finding yourself overwhelmed with the circumstances at hand. This is a correctable mistake. You have options out of the situation, you even have options to consider the next time you're about to find yourself diving head first into the situation to begin with. It's an experience that you can learn from and find it within you to coordinate a better alternative for in the future. You've grown from an experience in which at one point you were placing yourself at a major disadvantage to now a major advantage. Looking forward, that self-imposed prison, is no more.
Then, there's this helpless, suffocating, soul-sucking circumstance in which you may or may not have found yourself in - you've never considered it, you didn't ask for it and you don't want it but f*ck, you're there. I say it that way to mitigate the devil's advocate that pops up in people that stumble upon this article. I'm not talking to that version of you - I'm talking to the version that's the innocent bystander that got blind-sided by a truck and can't breathe right now while their rolling around trying to figure out if they're alive or not. In other words, this article here, is for those that actually need it - my feeble attempt at first aid. (A perspective change, that's it.)
Personally, I know the feeling well. You mind your own business, you put in the work and stick to your path but you're being held back or pushed aside. It's gutting, mostly because you don't understand why it's happening and you just want it to end. The process isn't what you have a problem with. It's not what you're doing - it's what's being done and the inability to control it. The attachment to the outcome doesn't necessarily matter to you because you're unable to get one - you're stagnant in a situation where you can't navigate towards any end. The frustration begins to bubble, each minute or moment that passes by, your temperature rises and as it does, the bubbles reproduce. You do what you can to alleviate the stress, the emotions and the thoughts but it's too late, the pot lid's bouncing and the insides are determined to make it to the outside. In most cases, an explosion occurs. Think of that boiling pot of milk on the stove top - you turn away from it long enough and it'll blow over the lid and make an enormous mess. Good luck cleaning that burnt, sticky residue in one go.
What I'm saying here is that although you have no control, you have to make some sort of decision in adherence to some patience and perseverance. I won't say that old saying, you know, "patience is a virtue", that would piss me off to hear so I could imagine how it'd make you feel, but it will help you out when looking at what you're experiencing and how you feel about it. It'll take some time to decode the thoughts, the situation and the feelings that arise but a pen and paper is handy if your mind is fighting back. The way I see it is if you keep applying pressure externally, you'll continue to focus on those same things that are making you feel this way - and that same pressure will be applied back. So, my best advice when you feel as if you can't do anything, is to do something - but flip the narrative, entirely. You may not be able to control anyone and what they're doing. But, boy, can you control yourself and what you're doing. Take that same energy and concentration you're so devoted in giving everyone and everything else and be selfish with it. You're environment is cold, make yourself warmYourre environment is hostile, make your inner environment safe. You're environment is distant, be close to yourself. Start there, and the rest will follow - the opportunities will present themselves and from there, you'll be able to decide for yourself what you can do with the new environment and it's additions that arise.
Maybe certain self-imposed prisons take place for a reason, to teach you something, to show you something and to make you better. Not necessarily at that given moment, but down the line - for another day, another chapter, hell, another book. I don't know anyone successful or even happy that hasn't faced some sort of self-imposed hardship or self-imposed deprecation to some extent. I don't even believe it's possible. Somehow, we get trapped into this ideology that all these things we strive for is supposed to be a specific way, whether it's love, happiness, business, who cares. It's as if someone handed you a line graph with a picture perfect, ruler concocted visual from the starting point to the end and said, "This is what it's going to look like." - yeah, f*ck you. Nothing looks like that.
I could almost go out on a limb and say it's the exact same scenario for environmental restrictions - except, you don't have any control of any of it. You didn't make any decisions or choices that put you where you are. You can only acknowledge the circumstances for what they are and then navigate them by navigating yourself(emotionally, mentally and spiritually if you've opened yourself up to that.). If at one point the opportunity arises to leave that environment and that's your only way out, then that's exactly what you should do. If at one point the opportunity arises that you can barrel through the obstacles and stay in place, then that's exactly what you should do. But, you can't just sit there and wallow in your own detrimental filth. It will get worse - not better. You're better off losing and restarting than sitting and wishing. The outcome here, regardless of the circumstance is a win - only you can make it a loss and I just told you how that may be.
I really hope this article helps put things into perspective for those that need it. This write-up here wasn't meant to be a how-to or a guide but more of an awakening as to what you're looking at and going through. If you don't understand what's at hand, how can you navigate it? Would you try to steer a ship or car, blindly? No, so don't do that with your life and the obstacles placed in front of you. Look at them, honestly - that way you can reap the benefits, genuinely.
With Love,
Al
P.S. - Sorry for cursing so much in this write up. I've been in a mood lately.